


The Smallest Thing Are The Easiest To Forget

by Wiccan507



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec died a long time ago, Good friend Catarina, POV Catarina, Sad, Sad Magnus Bane, previous major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6741487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccan507/pseuds/Wiccan507
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Magnus starts to forget Alec he goes to the only person that can understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Smallest Thing Are The Easiest To Forget

The last thing Catarina had expected in Tibet was to be woken by someone banging on her door at 4 am. An old friend of hers had asked her to help aid the people of her village after they all started falling ill. She hoped it wasn't another breakout; she'd only just managed to slow the first one.

"Cat!" That sounded like- no it couldn't be. He didn't leave New York, hadn't left New York in years. "Cat!" She pulled the door open to her room and Magnus Bane fell backwards through her door.

"Magnus?" She didn't know what else to say to him; she barely saw the man anymore and here he was lying on her floor. A bottle rolled out of his hand to stop at her feet and she recognised it as his own magical alcohol concoction.

"Hey!" His mouth split into a broad grin, but it didn't meet his eyes and she couldn't stop the 'Oh, Magnus' from slipping out. "I looked everywhere for you." She pulled him up by his arms and forced him into the small chair in her room. She thought through the important dates in her head, but she couldn't work out which one would have set Magnus down this path. The anniversary of Alec's death wasn't for another three months, their wedding anniversary not for another seven months and the anniversary of the start of their relationship wasn't for another six.

"Magnus, what happened?"

"I got drunk."

"I can see that. Magnus, you left New York." A tear slipped out from the corner of his eye and wiped it away with her thumb. For the first time, she noticed her friends makeup; his mascara had run down his cheeks, eyeshadow smudged and all that was left of his lipstick was a barely there line at the edge of his lips. "What happened?"

"I forgot." His face crumpled at the admission and he fell forward into her chest, her arms came up around him and he sobbed into her shoulder. She stroked her hand through his hair and tried to think what he possibly could have forgotten. As much as she wanted to keep hugging Magnus, her knees were starting to ache the longer she spent on the floor.

"Come on, lie down with me." She manoeuvred them so they were standing and pulled Magnus over to the bed, arranging them so that he was curled up against her chest. The man was usually much taller than her, but right now he seemed smaller than she'd ever known.

"Magnus, please talk to me." She stroked her hands down his back and waited till his crying had slowed to speak.

"I tried to cook." She knew she was going to have to take this slow with him if she didn't want him to break down again.

"Okay. Did you forget how to make something?"

"No, I-I've not used my kitchen since..."

"Alec."

"As soon as I walked in there I couldn't stop thinking about everything that he ever made me and the way he would talk me through what he was doing, or laugh at me when I couldn't do something.."

"I don't understand, that sounds good."

"I can't remember his laugh, Cat. I stood in that room and I couldn't remember it and I started thinking about everything. And I realised that it wasn't just his laugh I couldn't remember. I ca- I don't remember his voice or how his skin felt an-" Sobs wracked her friends body and she pulled him closer to herself to try and help him. She understood what he was going through, knew exactly how it felt to forget things about the love of your life.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus."

"What do I do? Tell me what to do." She pulled her arms tighter around him and pushed her face into his hair, her own tears trickling from the corner of her eyes.

"I- I don't know. I'm so- so sorry. No one should have to go through this." Magnus didn't say anything else to her, just curled his hands into her clothes and curled into her. Every cry that left his body sounded like it caused him physical pain, and she understood every part of it. Yet, somehow, she thinks it might be worse for Magnus, she remembers the first time she realised she was forgetting him, her fiance, the love of her life.

It had started with his smell, like a tiny crack in her memory, after a while the sheets no longer contained it, it no longer clinged to his clothes and one day she just couldn't remember what it had used to be. From there she'd been aware, she'd kept herself vigilante with every piece of information she forgot. The exact green of his eyes, the sound of his laugh, the lilt in his voice when he was passionate about something, it all started to become blurs, memories that she couldn't quite grasp onto anymore.

For Magnus, he hadn't noticed at all. He'd shut himself away and ignored the world for so long that he hadn't paid attention to the small cracks. They'd shown up and kept chipping away at his memory until he forced himself to try and remember, till he pushed himself and everything just shattered. She never wanted to imagine facing it all at once, knowing her own mind had failed her, that there was nothing her magic could do to recreate the memory.

She'd been like Magnus, living in a place they'd shared together, but one day she stopped being able to place him in the apartment, she couldn't imagine him cooking dinner, or humming as he swept the floor. Now, she knew her friend was going to go home and try to do the same. He'd look around and try to imagine all the times he found Alec laid on the couch with a book, or the work he spread over the dining table, or the kisses pressed to his cheek when Alec would leave and it broke her heart to know he wouldn't be able to remember any of it as it was.

"Cat?" She took a deep breath, tried to remove the lump in her throat and answered him.

"Yes?"

"What do I do when I forget his kiss?"

"I don't know. I never handled it the best."

"What did you do?"

"I drank, a lot, so I got to forget on my own terms."

"I think I might do the same."

"Well, you won't be alone." Magnus didn't say anything else and when she looked down his eyes were closed, his breath evening out against her. She waved a cover over them and pulled it around Magnus's shoulders, the man instantly curled further into the quilt and she forced herself to not think about how long it had been since Magnus was with anyone like this.

That didn't matter anymore, though because she wouldn't let him go through this alone anymore.

Magnus wasn't going to be alone.


End file.
